The Better Part of Valour
by Grav
Summary: There's always something else you can sacrifice. JacobSelmak, post Death Knell.


AN: This story began with Jacob's line about coffee and was originally intended to be part of the _Cabbages and Kings_ series. But it took a turn towards depression about two seconds in, and came out the better for it. I think.

Yeah for betas!

Spoilers: Death Knell, including direct quotation

Disclaimer: If at first you don't succeed…take solace in writing fan fiction.

Summary: There's always something else you can sacrifice.

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**The Better Part of Valour**

The monitors in the infirmary beeped uniformly, marking his daughter's sleep as she recovered in all the comfort the SGC could muster. Selmak instinctively matched their heartbeat to the sound of the instrument which measured out the peaceful rate of Sam's heart as she slept, calmly breathing in and out in the silence of the room.

_Do you know why I asked you to give up coffee?_ Selmak asked, her voice loud inside his skull.

_You don't like the taste?_ he replied sarcastically.

_Jacob, I don't have taste-buds. Or a tongue, for that matter._

_Well no then, I don't. Why did you ask me to give up coffee?_

_Because I am tied into your central nervous system._ She flexed slightly, not quite stretching herself out to full length and he shuddered. _Do you have any idea what coffee does to your central nervous system?_

_More or less_. Sam moved ever so slightly, but did not wake.

_I can feel the hyper-awareness flooding through us far longer than you can, and much more intensely. Coffee is a very unsettling experience for me._

_I am so sorry._ And he was. As strange as it was, he loved Selmak a great deal.

_We'll survive._ She said, not having to add "Because that's what Tok'ra do" to her sentence.

_Why are we talking about coffee?_ he asked, suddenly realizing that she was keeping something from him.

_Because, like coffee, I can feel your children inside of you.__ They cause us pain and joy and a thousand other emotions. But unlike coffee, they are absolutely necessary. You cannot give them up._

_Selmak - _

_We must remain on Earth. We must be Jacob Carter. I cannot make you give them up._

Selmak was usually the voice of reason, but what she was saying now made no sense.

_What, so we're trading coffee for my kids?_

_In a nutshell, yes_ she replied after a few moments' thought.

_You're insane_.

_We can do nothing at home, Jacob. They no longer trust us. Our voice would fall on deaf ears_.

It hung between them for a moment, Sam's breathing and the steady beeps from the heart monitor the only noise despite their increasingly heated conversation.

_Then I will shout until I'm hoarse._

_Jacob - _she tried, but he rail-roaded over her.

_Do you believe in the Tok'ra?_

_Of course!_

_And do you believe in the Tau'ri?_

_You know I do._

_And if we leave, who will speak for both sides?_

He was right. He was right, and it was going to cost him everything.

_No one will speak,_ she said, her tone subdued. _No one will speak. The Tok'ra will hide in their tunnels while Anubis overruns the galaxy._

_Would it make a difference if you left me? Found a more suitable host?_ he said the last part with great bitterness.

_I would refuse_. He exulted quietly, indulging himself in one selfish moment. _Even if my refusal destroyed the universe._

_Thanks. I think._ But he meant it, for all his sarcasm.

Selmak reached out his hand and picked up Sam's. He lightly ran his fingers over her palm and wrist. The weight of their decision began to fall on him.

_Could you leave her, Jacob? Like this?_

_I can visit_.

_No, Jacob. You cannot_. It hurt more because he already knew it was true.

_I know_. God, what was he doing? _Can we wait until she wakes up?_

_Of course.__ Take all the time you need. But once we step through that wormhole, there will be no turning back._

_I'll have to think of something to tell Mark_.

Sam stirred again and Jacob linked his fingers through hers, caught between wanting her to wake up healed and wanting to watch her sleep forever and never have to leave.

_Do they not make coffee flavoured beverages which do not contain the addictive stimulant?_

_Yeah, it's called decaf._ Jacob smiled in spite of himself. _My wife tried for years to get me to switch over._

_Then I believe everything will turn out all right_.

_You're an eternal optimist, Selmak_.

_I had a good teacher_.

A soft moan reverberated through the infirmary, and Sam opened her eyes. She blinked a few times to bring her eyes back into focus and looked up at him.

"Howdy kid." He smiled down at her and his heart broke. "You were asleep for a long time. You gave me quite a scare."

"I'm sorry."

"Jack told me what happened. I'm proud of you." He swallowed hard. "Look Sam, I may not be able to come around as much for the next little while."

"What do you mean?" She blinked again, trying to remember something that would make this make sense.

"Things kind of got screwed up while you were out there. The alliance is in trouble."

"I don't understand."

"You don't need to know the details right now," was what he said; 'Neither do I' was what he thought. "Let's just say we're going our separate ways for a while. If I stay with the Tok'ra, I can at least try to mend some fences."

"You sure?"

"I'm not ready to give up on this just yet." He kissed her on the forehead and cursed lost time. "Don't worry, I'll be back eventually."

"I'll miss you." She always said that before he left.

_Your sacrifice will not be in vain, Jacob Carter. We will prevail._

_I know. Let's get going. The sooner we leave, the sooner we can come back_.

_You are an eternal optimist._

Jacob smiled wistfully at his daughter.

_I had a good teacher._

"I'll miss you too."

-

**fin**

AN: OK, that was very, very hard! You try writing a conversation that lasts four pages and takes place entirely internally sometime. It's good for what ails ya!


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